Inane Product Warnings:

"Do not use in shower." — On a hair dryer."

Caution: Do not spray in eyes." — On a container of underarm deodorant."

Do not eat toner." — On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

"Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." — On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

"Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" — On a coffee cup.

"Do not use orally." — On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.

"Please keep out of children." — On a butcher knife.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." — On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not use for drying pets." — In the manual for a microwave oven.

"For use on animals only." — On an electric cattle prod.

"Warning: knives are sharp!" — On the packaging of a sharpening stone.

"Not for weight control." — On a pack of Breath Savers.

"Do not use intimately." — On a tube of deodorant.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." — On a portable stroller.

"Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." — On a sign at a railroad station.

"Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." — On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets.

"Not for human consumption." — On a package of dice.

"May be harmful if swallowed." — On a shipment of hammers.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." — In the instructions for an electric thermometer